CHAPTER TWELVE

I managed to control myself the following morning. I watched the children more closely than ever before now. I did not let one of them out of my sight, which gave me little opportunity to speak with Mrs Grose alone. I did not want to let the children know about my worries, so I waited until the afternoon to mention anything to Mrs Grose. I depended on her. It was a very lucky thing that she had been there and had believed me, for without her support, I might have lost my mind.

Mrs Grose's thinking, however, was different from mine. She did not doubt the truth of what I told her, but she had never actually seen those horrible people walking about the house. And because she could see no obvious change in the children's behavior, she did not worry about them as much as I did. In fact, she worried much more about me, for she could see that I was upset and getting less sleep than usual.

She and I met on the main balcony above the house. Each of us sitting in a chair overlooking the great lawn below, we appeared to be having a simple chat. The children, meanwhile, played on the lawn where we could easily watch them. Mrs Grose's eyes followed their movements below without any sign of worry. Then she turned to listen to what I had to tell her. The look on her face told me that she was simply doing me a favor by patiently listening. I shared with her the events of the night before.

After finding Miles, last night, standing outside, I went downstairs and out the front door to bring him back in. He came running to me as soon as he saw me. During the time I walked him back to his bedroom, neither of us said a word. I kept wondering how he might attempt to explain himself. Would he still try and make up a silly lie even though the truth was so clear? I wondered if he would still try to act like a perfectly well-behaved child in front of me. I tried to guess how our relationship might change after this night. The look on his face seemed to show embarrassment, but there was also something else there. He seemed pleased.

When we entered his room I could see that his bed was completely untouched. The moonlight was so bright that we had no trouble seeing one another. I sat down on the edge of his bed and then felt I had no choice but to directly talk with him about what had happened.

"Miles, I need for you to be honest with me. Why were you outside just now?"

He smiled and his teeth glowed white in the moonlight. "Could you possibly understand if I told you?" I did not know how to answer this. I was too worried about whether he would be open with me or not. I simply moved my head forward to say that I would understand. I felt so helpless sitting there before him. He had so much power over me. I could not suggest anything about Quint or anyone else without making myself look crazy. Oh! How I prayed that he would tell me the truth!

"I went outside so that you might think I was a bad child. I know how good you always seem to think I am." He said this very happily and innocently. I could do nothing but take him into my arms and fight desperately against the tears that wanted so badly to flow from my eyes.

"I can see that you did not even bother to put on your sleeping clothes," I said.

"No. I sat in my room and read a book until midnight. Then I went downstairs."

"Hm. That's very cute," I replied, still putting on a pleasant face, "But what made you think that I would know you were outside?"

"I had arranged for Flora to wake you by putting out your candle and then going to her window."

I felt like a complete fool. I had let myself be so easily cheated. I, of course, could not mention that I had seen Miss Jessel, for he could just as easily accuse me of being mad. I had no choice but to pretend to accept his story. I could do nothing else.

"You're just lucky you didn't catch a cold!" I said, trying my best to make a joke.

He welcomed my joke with a bigger smile and said, "You see? I can be very bad, can't I?"

(end of section)